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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342016">Aishiteru</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_X3/pseuds/robin_X3'>robin_X3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BDSM talk in chapter 18, Don't expect a plot because there probably isn't one (yet), Drabble Collection, Fluff, Like really really slow, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, Slow Burn, cuteness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:35:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,577</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342016</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_X3/pseuds/robin_X3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>L knows about the many ways to say "I love you," without actually saying it. It's only a matter of time until Light realizes it too.</p><p>A drabble fic that explores L and Light's day-to-day life as partners in crime-solving.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>L/Yagami Light</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>203</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There’s many ways to say goodbye, without actually saying the word. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> A wave.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>     A hug. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>         A teary smile.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>             "We’ll meet again.” </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or saying nothing at all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     L knows.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> So many ways to say goodbye. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     One of them, to wipe his feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>     After the rain. After getting soaked on the rooftop of the Task Force building. Talking about church bells. And ominous messages associated with bells. </p>
<p>     L wipes Light's feet clean, even if they’re not dirty. <em> A last attempt to clean his sins off him?  </em></p>
<p>
  <em>           Or to clean him off his sins? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  A final<em> farewell </em>before they part.</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em> As per symmetry, are there many ways to say "I love you." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> In fact. There may be more ways to say “I love you” than “goodbye.” </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Head on over to the next chapter for cute fluff! I promise it'll make you smile! :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sharing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>L yanked hard at the chain that joined him to Light, pulling Light sitting on his revolving chair across the distance between them, all 6 feets of the chain and a little more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“L.” A single word statement more than a question, showing how little Light approved of being displaced from his work without preamble.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"So that I may share cake with you." Black, black eyes looked hopeful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A beat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Honey eyes narrowed. "You know I don't like cake." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah. So many ways to get rejected.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was listening to Feelings by Lauv when working on this particular chapter. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Arguments</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“L!” Light groaned. “Stop!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>L hummed in acknowledgement, but decided to not listen to Light anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"L, if you keep doing that, it'll stretch out..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Raito-kun is being childish and petulant," L mumbled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Light scoffed. "Me? Childish and petulant? You're the one with a vice-grip on my night-shirt! You'll ruin it!"</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Then I'll just buy you a new one..."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Light huffed and turned over. "I don't need your money, L!" he sounded exasperated even as he dozed off to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gently, L pulled the duvet over Light, crawling on top of it nimbly so as to not wake him. He turned off the desk lamp on his side despite the fight they had just 5 minutes ago about it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Light didn’t need to know that L could work just fine only by the illumination of his laptop. Just like he didn’t need to know how much L enjoyed their little arguments over the most menial things.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Bribery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"L,” Light narrowed his eyes at the steaming mug in front of him, then at the detective holding it. Even more than the fact that L was a lazy, spoilt brat who never did anything out of the goodness of his heart, or as favour to anyone, was the very innocuous, almost too innocent, smile on the detective's face that roused his suspicions. “Why did you make me hot cocoa?"</p><p> </p><p>"Research has shown that hot cocoa helps sleep better and stimulates brain activity.” L reasoned as pushed the mug onto Light's hands. “Light kun has stubbornly refused to sleep for the past 48 hours to compete against me, and it seems his cognitive and reasoning abilities are deteriorating due to insomnia settling in, whereas I remain highly functional,” He dodged the paper ball thrown at him gracefully and continued, “Since the case is at a standoff, Raito-kun could help improve his mental capacity and come up with a better insight if his brain cells get a boost of caffeine."</p><p> </p><p>"That's bullshit and you know it.” Light barked back, a little on edge due to lack of sleep. “You claimed you were <em> ‘getting backpain at this age’ </em> and insisted we move to the bedroom from the workspace. So I moved all my paperwork here….,” Light looked at the LED clock on the bedside table, “About 6 hours ago. And then you insisted I changed into comfy clothes because my work clothes would <em> ‘ruin the purity and sacredness of the bed,’ </em> and I obliged. So before I take myself and my night-shirt away with me back to the workspace....” No, Light did <b>not</b> smirk at the slight widening of L's eyes in horror at the thought of his snuggle-buddy leaving. <b>Nope</b>. “You will tell me what you put in there."</p><p> </p><p>"Hot cocoa.... and sleeping pills?"</p><p> </p><p>Light glared.</p><p> </p><p>"Because Raito is warm and in turn, keeps my bed warm!"</p><p> </p><p>A pause.</p><p> </p><p>"Just buy yourself a damn teddy-bear already!!" </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Space</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“L you have NO sense of personal space.” Light used his palm to push L’s face, along with L himself, away from him, and returned to the surveillance tapes. </p><p> </p><p>“..yes I do,” L mumbled as he crouched back into his chair and resumed chewing on his thumb, his words lacking their usual strength. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh really?” Light raised the hand that had the handcuff on it and rattled the chain for extra measure. “What do you call this then?”</p><p> </p><p>“This is for the case, Light kun.” L reasoned. “You’re still my top suspect for Kira.”</p><p> </p><p>“You know as well as I do that there’s absolutely no reason we have to be chained together 24x7.  You could just have me put on surveillance. Misa is a suspect too. I don’t see you hand-cuffing yourself to her.”</p><p> </p><p>“But she’s a woman.” L deadpanned.</p><p> </p><p>Light dragged a hand over his face. The monochrome tint of the black and white surveillance tapes seemed to be etched into the back of his eyelids, and L’s drab color scheme and ‘Is-he-or-isn’t-he-a-killer’ schemes only managed to amplify the irritation he felt, to the point that he was developing a headache just by looking at him. He ended up losing his cool, unable to stem the flow of the biting words he’d kept bottled up thus far.</p><p> </p><p>“So you mean to tell me,” Light huffed, frustrated, “That just because I’m a man, you are allowed to strip me of my basic privileges? That I don’t deserve enough respect to be allowed to eat, or go to the toilet, or even get to shower in private?”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t mean that.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well then,” Light crossed his arms, “What did you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“I meant that, despite not liking human contact nor intimacy, I’m <b>choosing </b>to handcuff myself to Light-kun, to remove him of the suspicions of being Kira as early as possible.”</p><p> </p><p>Light rolled his eyes in dissatisfaction. </p><p> </p><p>“I mean to say Light kun,” L twiddled his toes in indecision. At length, he sighed and looked deep into Light’s eyes. Those hypnotizing black eyes, clear as the summer's night sky, filled with determination gazed deep into his own, and Light found that despite his earlier ire, he couldn’t look away.</p><p> </p><p>“I <b>like</b> being in the same space as you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Jealousy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Misa Misa thinks Ryuuzaki kun likes Light kun." Misa declared, with a finger on her lips in a copy of what she’d seen detectives do in one of her favourite dramas.</p><p> </p><p>"That's a given. We're friends." Light replied amicably.</p><p> </p><p>L gripped the teacup in his hands a little tighter.</p><p> </p><p>“No Light kun you baka." Misa laughed, and L lifted an eyebrow as if to say <em> "Really? One of Japan's smartest men? Baka?" </em>  His discernment unnoticed, Misa continued, "Misa Misa thinks Ryuuzaki kun <em>like </em>likes Light kun.” </p><p> </p><p>Light choked on his macaron.</p><p> </p><p>L stood up from his usual crouch to pour him a cup of tea, and winced reflexively when Light gulped half of the steaming hot liquid down without even flinching. </p><p> </p><p>“See you’re doing it again.” Misa whined.</p><p> </p><p>Light coughed as if asking<em> “What?” </em></p><p> </p><p>“I think,” L replied on Light’s behalf, “Light kun means to say <em> 'I hardly think saving your friend from nearly choking to death counts as ‘it,’ whatever this it is.’”  </em></p><p> </p><p>Light coughed a little in agreement, still catching his breath.</p><p> </p><p>Misa pouted. "Ryuuzaki kun always wants to keep Light kun all to himself, always following Light kun around. He won't even let us have a date alone." </p><p> </p><p>"Light kun <b>is</b> the prime suspect Misa chan." L reiterated for the 10th time that week to Misa.</p><p> </p><p>"But that's not all!" Misa chirped, starting to count off some other reasons on her fingers, and the light shining off the glinting metal of the many rings on her fingers were distracting enough that Light missed a few words that she'd said. He managed to catch the tail end of her statement though, "... and even finishing each other's sentences! When a man starts to mirror your actions, you know they want to get into your pants!" Misa finished, and Light concluded it's a good thing he wasn't paying attention.</p><p> </p><p>"Misa, seriously. Do you really think your boyfriend sits like a hermit-monkey?" If Light purposefully injected the word "boyfriend" in his sentence to distract Misa, it worked brilliantly as Misa gushed happily and snuggled into Light's side.</p><p> </p><p>"Light kun your time's nearly up." L warned, a bitter edge to his voice." We really should be working on the case to find the new Kira."</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah I know Ryuuzaki you don't have to keep reminding us every 20 minutes..." Light sounded exasperated as he extricated himself from Misa's embrace.</p><p> </p><p>“Ryuuzaki kun is just jealous that Misa Misa doesn't need to chain Light kun to Misa Misa to get him to spend time with Misa Misa.” Misa stuck out her tongue at L, clinging to the sleeve of Light’s shirt,  unwilling to part with her boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>“Be good." The auburn haired man patted her on the head with a sigh, and Misa wasn't sure if the sigh was more indicative that Light was going to miss her or because Light couldn't wait to go back to playing hide-and-seek with L again.</p><p> </p><p>But as she stood at the entrance to the task force building, she managed to catch a glimpse of the two men take the elevator ride back up. A playful smile on L's face and a mask of disdain on Light's, that hid his obvious fondness of the quirky detective, in response to whatever teasing L had subjected him to, Misa disagreed. “Misa Misa’s women’s intuition is never wrong.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It took me 6 chapters to finally show a character other than L and Light in this fic. Is that a good or bad sign? Haha.  Hope you guys enjoyed reading this!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Listening</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Light kun loves the sound of his voice." L mused out aloud.</p><p> </p><p>Light's jaw snapped shut mid-sentence.</p><p> </p><p>Matsuda gasped and quickly looked away, pretending to not have overheard L's comment.</p><p> </p><p>"... Well I'll just keep my ideas to myself then." Light said petulantly, his face red and bottom lip jutting out a little in embarrassment, and L decided, embarrassment was a good look on Light.</p><p> </p><p>"No please." L tried to prod at Light's hurt ego. "Share your valuable ideas with us Light kun."</p><p> </p><p>"I'll send emails." Light sneered icily and stomped out of the room, definitely headed for the washroom to wash the tendrils of anger creeping into his face. </p><p> </p><p>"Why'd you have to do that?" Matsuda asked L. "He was onto something."</p><p> </p><p>"He wasn't onto something that we already don't know, Matsui san." L droned, and opened up a document on the big screen for everyone to see.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh I see." Matsuda sounded impressed. "Wait then if you already knew everything, why did you ask his opinion in the first place? You know how Light...uhh, Asahi kun hates being interrupted." As usual Matsuda fumbled with the secret names.</p><p> </p><p>"I like getting second opinions because it validates my ideas. And it points out any flaws in mine. And it helps convince everyone present." L monotoned. Lies. It was all just excuses. L didn't make mistakes. L didn't need validation. He liked listening to Light. He liked his velvet voice that spoke in perfect prose, rich vocabulary, and just the right margin of intonation. And when Light got unconsciously excited about something, his eyes would light up, his speech speeding up, and pitch falling just a tad with the strain of keeping his interest in check. And L couldn't help but wonder how Light would sound under him, excited, breathless, chanting his name. These were dangerous thoughts. L knew that. So he'd pissed Light off, pushed him away from sight. But the flushed cheeks and pouty lips had only added fuel to his hidden desires.</p><p> </p><p>L loved listening to Light and his siren call.</p><p> </p><p>This was dangerous.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Attraction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>L always wondered how a male peacock felt when spectators appreciated its feathers. How did it feel as it strutted its plumes around for everyone, leaving them in awe and amazement?</p><p> </p><p>Did it perhaps feel like how Light felt when surrounded by his peers and admirers?</p><p> </p><p>If so, it would make sense. </p><p> </p><p>Light revelled in praise, he thrived on recognition, ate up admiration.</p><p> </p><p>Do peacocks choose their mates? Do they have a special one whose eye they mean to catch?</p><p> </p><p>Because to L, it seemed like despite everything, despite everyone else, no one seemed to light up the fire in Light as much L.</p><p> </p><p>When someone from the Task Force took note of his sharp intelligence, he merely took it in stride.</p><p>When his father put his hand on his shoulder in commendation for a breakthrough discovery, he only spared him a thankful, happy smile and resumed the follow-up work.</p><p>But when L acknowledged him.</p><p>When L acknowledged him, he practically glowed.</p><p>He immediately paused whatever he was doing, all his attention focused solely on L. </p><p> </p><p>And that was something else, Light, who was as obsessed with himself as L was with cakes and desserts, stopping his work for anybody else. Light, who probably thought of himself as being above almost everyone else (and even though that added to his percentage of being Kira, L couldn’t find it in himself to mind much, as it only added to Light's charms). Light, who was an enigma all on his own. L never denied himself anything, and he wasn't about to start now. He couldn't, wouldn't deny himself this: if there was anything in this world L liked more than desserts it was mysteries. And Light was the biggest one of them all.</p><p> </p><p>Suffice to say, L felt an attraction towards Light in a way he had only read about in fiction and literature, had seen portrayed in movies and drama, and had thought to be a figment of people’s imagination, to sate their need for connection and a sense of belonging. But when Light stared at him, he couldn’t help but stare back. To outsiders, it would seem like a childish stare-off battle. And in essence, it was: Who would blink and back down first? Who would admit defeat? Who would acknowledge this connection, this almost-fatal <em>attraction,</em> between an accused-murderer and his accuser, a potential-criminal and his captor?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter got away from me and turned into an introspective, contemplative monster. Orz.<br/>Next chapter will be cuter, I promise! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Read</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mysophobia: abnormal fear or hatred of uncleanliness or contamination. (Definition from: the Merriam-Webster dictionary)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Watari?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes Light sama?”</p><p> </p><p>Light sidled close to him conspiratorially, and hushed in a whisper that only he would be able to pick up, “Does L have mysophobia*?”</p><p> </p><p>Both of them took a peek at L, holding his phone precariously using only his index and thumb, its metal and plastic surface not quite touching L’s ears. </p><p> </p><p>Light looked at Watari questioningly.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to reveal any personal information regarding Ryuuzaki sama.” </p><p> </p><p>“He does, doesn’t he?”</p><p> </p><p>Watari’s moustache twitched comically.</p><p> </p><p>Light took that as a sign to stop asking silly questions and go back to work.</p><p> </p><p> Or, he attempted to, but reviewing months and years worth of multinational companies’ trades and stocks and financial dealings could only hold his attention for so long. His thoughts trailed back to the mystery of L’s weird behaviour. L was a weird person overall, and maybe he really was a slob and didn’t really care what people thought of him (not that Light could wrap his head around such an action), or maybe it was a carefully crafted persona that L presented to the task force to hide what he truly was like inside. </p><p> </p><p>Light glanced at L again. L had now pinched a spoon between two fingers, and was performing a magnificent feat of balancing not 2, not 3, but 6 gummy bears piled on top of one another. The gummy tower jiggled precariously as it approached L’s face, and Light felt himself take a deep breath in anticipation, unconsciously in sync with L’s quiet breathing.</p><p> </p><p>Light couldn’t blink, fearing he might miss this glorious moment if he did.</p><p> </p><p>L, in what had to be one of the most surprising things that the man had done in the time Light had known him, opened his mouth wide, wider (and was that even humanly possible?) L swallowed the gummy tower all at once. Wow. That was….surprising. Surprising and...hot? He couldn’t help but think, how wide can L open his mouth? How much more can he swallow? <em>What else does that mouth do L?</em></p><p> </p><p>L had probably sensed Light’s heated stare, as he whipped his head towards Light, and languidly chewed the no-doubt saccharine desert like it was the most delectable food in the world, and to a sugar addict like L it probably was. But the look of sugar-high ecstasy translated to something else in Light’s brain and it momentarily short-circuited. Feeling the back of his neck heat up, he looked away, his sight resolutely focused on the now meaningless numbers in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s marvelous how Light kun can read upside down.” L’s voice belied the chuckle he’d held back so as to not embarrass him further.</p><p> </p><p>“All that sugar is bad for your health Ryuuzaki. It’s making you see things.” Light grumbled as he turned the file right side up, and he didn’t sound defensive when he said this, nope, not him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm,” L hummed, agreeing with Light for once. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Light must’ve liked to think that he was some unreadable enigma, but L could read Light like an open book. He took his time nimbly picking up gummies onto his spoon, his eyes taking in the stiff lines of Light’s posture, and the very faint red at the tips of Light’s ears. L smirked amusedly and didn’t say anything more. After all, the best way to calm a ruffled cat was to leave it alone.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm honestly having way too much fun writing these two to be working on any other stories xD</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Hugging</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had come as a shock when, Light’s father, Soichiro Yagami, had had a heart attack. Everyone had been afraid that it was Kira. That Kira had finally caught wind of the secret Kira Task Force and was going to dispose of its members gradually, one by one. </p><p> </p><p>Their fears had proven to be wrong however, and the doctor had said that Soichiro had simply collapsed due to overwork and stress. L's fears had subsided, and he'd gone back to work immediately.</p><p> </p><p>And afterwards, when he'd run out menial tasks to do and documents to go over and had no more excuses to hide nor deny the tiny ounce of guilt gnawing away painfully inside his chest at maybe having overworked his co-worker, Watari had bullied him into paying Soichiro a visit in the hospital. He honestly hadn't expected the visit to last longer than 10 minutes. He also hadn't expected to run into Light Yagami.</p><p> </p><p>In his father's room, sitting on the visitor's chair, Light had looked harried, shaken. Like a scared child. Lost. Angry. Vengeful. <em>Genuine</em>. L hadn't expected that. </p><p> </p><p>And even afterwards, during their chained-together period, L had always observed Light, trying to pinpoint just how much of it all was real, and how much was not. From the very beginning, Light had struck him as a calm, composed, almost mechanical sort of person. His expressions, his emotions, his speech had all seemed very well crafted, each part of his persona planned and perfected.</p><p>And that very same Light had looked haunted, worried for his father. And though it could be just another one of the masks Light, no Kira, could be putting on to deceive L and gain his sympathy, such meticulous acting was only possible if it was based on real emotions. Hence proving that even if he was Kira, there was still some humanity left in that boy.</p><p>For despite everything else, that's what Kira was- a child, with more power in his hands than he could handle, too much confidence for his rationale, and an ego that could rival his intellect. He was nothing but a child playing a dangerous game in an adult world, and it made L see Light in a different light. </p><p> </p><p>L could empathize with Light, for he saw in him a reflection of himself from the past. A cocky, arrogant, young detective who had paid the price of his pride with the lives of those precious to him. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes, when Light would become too acidic, L would do something unexpected and entirely childish to throw him off his rails. For instance today, L, despite knowing Light liked his coffee black, intentionally dropped 3 sugar cubes into Light's coffee mug. "Oops." And every time he pulled a prank like this, he’d keep his tone purposefully unapologetic, and revel in the way Light fumed, sometimes giving him the silent treatment, his hands folded and biting his lip to keep the rage bottled in, sometimes ranting for minutes nearing hours about how "unprofessional" and "childish" it was for L to not respect his co-workers, when in fact it was Light who was acting childish. But all that were what L had aimed for, for Light to act appropriately his age, and not like a blood-thirsty, devious murderer masquerading as a teenager.</p><p>It made L want to give him a hug. A big, crushing, bear hug that would take all the unexplainable toxicity away from the boy, and leave nothing behind but his childlike curiosity, naivety, and intelligence. </p><p>L wanted to hug the Kira out of Light. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>One of these days I'll get tired of making Light puns.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Fears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What scares you Light kun?” Thoughtful.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh you know, the usual- snakes, spiders.” Without a beat, like he'd rehearsed it in front of a mirror. (Knowing Light, he probably had.)</p><p> </p><p>“Liar.”</p><p> </p><p>“No you.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was very mature of you Light kun.” Sarcasm. From L! Unexpected.</p><p> </p><p>“It was more mature than calling your friend an outright liar for not liking their answer. Don’t you know it’s rude to laugh at other people’s phobia?”</p><p> </p><p>“It would be rude if it was true.”</p><p> </p><p>“How do you know it isn’t?”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t grimace, flinch, or otherwise show any outward signs of discomfort when Misa san carried that snake-skin bag on your 3rd date. And you had no reaction whatsoever to Misa san’s spider rings on your 7th date either.” He was keeping count of the number of dates they'd had? Even Light wasn't keeping track. </p><p> </p><p>A pause. “...why were you checking out my girlfriend, Ryuuzaki?”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s attractive. And you’re dodging the question.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d be more likely to be scared if they were real.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh that bag was real snake-skin. I checked.”</p><p> </p><p>Light’s raised eyebrow had L explaining his actions. “I was trying to check the legitimacy of <em>Misa Misa</em>’s money and see if she had any connections to Yotsuba Kira. Turns out, Misa san isn’t the liar.” ‘<em>You are.’</em> was implied in the coy smirk L had directed Light’s way.</p><p> </p><p>Light rolled his eyes. “Well then Mr <em>Greatest Detective</em>, if you think you’re so good at discerning lies from truths, why don’t you try guessing what my fear is?”</p><p> </p><p>L pursed his lips in concentration and his eyes gained a glazed over look. He seemed to be looking at Light, his gaze piercing, searching, seeking, through Light's amber eyes and deep into his soul.  “You. You fear the loss of control.” No playful third person pronouns. No reflective comeback. L was serious.</p><p> </p><p>Light gulped, attempting to brush it off. “..Don’t go reflecting your own fears onto other people, you control freak!” Light threw his hands up, causing the entangled chain on his handcuff to jingle loudly in the empty workroom. The abrupt movement caused a wave of motion of to travel across Light's arm and reached L who was connected to the other side, indicative of how L <strong>still</strong> kept Light on a leash, and how little control L liked to give up when it came to compromise with their predicament, and with the Kira case overall.</p><p> </p><p>L sighed disappointedly. It sounded too much like, ‘You just proved I’m right.’ </p><p> </p><p>Light did not like the tone of L’s <em> sigh-speak</em>. “What do you fear, L?” He prodded, unsatisfied.</p><p> </p><p>L hesitated for a half-second, but determined he had nothing to lose anyway. </p><p>“Death.” Quiet, solemn, serious. And Light understood that L wasn’t playing around.</p><p> </p><p><em> Dying alone </em> , L had wanted to, meant to say. <em> Dying alone in the arms of a loved one. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whipping out some of that fine angst ;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Inside Joke</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Matsuda elbowed Aizawa, causing him to accidentally white-out a word that he wasn’t aiming for. </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks Matsuda.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re welcome Aizawa san. Wait, why are you thanking me?”</p><p> </p><p>Aizawa sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Nevermind that. Look at those two.” If Matsuda had intended it to be a whisper, it wasn’t really working. Aizawa was going to go deaf in his 60s. Like a tired owner of an easily excitable dog, Aizawa took a peek at wherever Matsuda was pointing, and looked back at him. “What exactly am I supposed to be looking at?”</p><p> </p><p>“Them!!” Matsuda really didn’t do “exasperation” well, given how he was the cause of 90% of it in the workplace. “Those two are upto no good.”</p><p> </p><p>Aizawa glanced back to the scene- Light and L were giggling at something. Which was….odd. L was a quirky, unpredictable individual. He could be scary when he was in the active role of a detective, but otherwise he came off as a fairly light-hearted individual. Light on the other hand, was the definition of stickler. Just like his father, he was stubborn and prideful to a fault, so seeing him giggling like a teenager with the World’s Greatest Detective made Aizawa pause and stare.</p><p> </p><p>“What are they doing, Matsuda?”</p><p> </p><p>“Beats me. They’ve been like this for an hour now.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been slacking off for an hour?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey normally, it’s my fault. But this time, I kept getting distracted by them. How did you not hear them?”</p><p> </p><p>'It’s because I’m so used to zoning out when working thanks to sitting next to you,' Aizawa wanted to say, but stopped himself at the last moment. </p><p> </p><p>“L and Light were supposed to be working on the New Kira killing victims. What’s so funny about a series of heart attack victims?” Aizawa hadn’t meant to sound so offended. Damn, he needed some caffeine.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah about that….” Matsuda scratched his neck sheepishly. “They got bored.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” </p><p> </p><p>“They got bored of looking through lists of victims. So Light kun and L devised a competition to design a system that would find patterns for them. Their programs are still processing. Meanwhile they’re killing time by working on our aliases and disguises.”</p><p> </p><p>“But that was your job.” Nothing short of two mugs of extra strong coffee would stave off this headache.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes but Light kun can be very demanding. And scary.”</p><p> </p><p>“For God’s sake Matsuda. You’re a policeman and a detective! How can you be scared of a kid?!”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Wanna bet on why Aizawa san is chewing off Matsuda san?” Light spoke into L’s ear and saw L shiver. He wondered if he should increase the temperature of the thermostat.</p><p> </p><p>“Loser eats winner’s favourite food for a whole day.”</p><p> </p><p>“This’ll be the healthiest you’ve ever eaten, L!”</p><p> </p><p>“Au contraire, you’d better prepare some insulin shots Light kun.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hah! We’ll see.” Light shook his head. “Okay, I think, Matsuda san stapled Aizawa san’s tie to his documents again.”</p><p> </p><p>“I think Aizawa san figured out Matsuda san pushed his work off to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Light snorted out a chuckle despite himself. “No one pushes me into anything I don’t want to.”</p><p> </p><p>L stretched out of his chair and into Light’s personal space, causing him to lean back until his back hit the wall. L’s arms encased Light, and he grinned, “Is that a challenge Light kun.” .</p><p> </p><p>This close, Light could see the speckles of grey dotting L's eyes, and his first thought was, 'So they aren't completely black after all.' Those eyes stared at his own, as if asking a question in a language Light wasn't completely sure he knew. His breath came out in sync with L's, and he wondered if the smell of peppermint from L's mouth was due to the candies he was munching on earlier or the toothpaste he used, and if he could taste it on his lips. Instinctively, he looked at L's lips. 'They look dry' he thought, and as if reading his mind, L's tongue shot out to wet his lips, and Light found his eyes tracing the path taken by the tip of L's tongue. </p><p> </p><p>A cough sounded immediately behind them, and the warm veil of playfulness that blanketed them was suddenly lifted. Light ducked under L's arms, picking up the papers on the table to distract from the blush creeping up his neck. </p><p> </p><p>“How nice of you to join us Aizawa san.” L monotoned.</p><p> </p><p>“What’re you boys doing?” Aizawa did not sound particularly happy. But, he never did.</p><p> </p><p>“Just preparing some alternate identities for backup and emergencies, Aizawa san.” L talked to the irate man while Light quietly tried to hide the proof of their crime under a stack of birth certificate forgeries. </p><p> </p><p>“Lemme see that.” Aizawa snatched the papers from Light’s hand before he managed to put them away.  Said papers consisted of printouts of the Task Force members’ mugshots, but were hardly recognizable due to the blue and red scribbles on them- consisting of some oddly cartoonish and some hyper-realistic hand-drawn additions ranging from glasses, beards, moustaches, hairstyle changes, to even an impressive eye-patch on Yagami Soichiro’s face. </p><p> </p><p>“...” Aizawa said. </p><p> </p><p>“The blue ones are by me. Impressive isn’t it?” L sounded proud.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not what you think Aizawa san.” Light, not so much.</p><p> </p><p>“Get back to work you two.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fine."</p><p> </p><p>“Yes sir.”</p><p> </p><p>L made sure Aizawa was out of hearing range before leaning in to whisper, “I still think Aizawa san’s beard will curl up like his afro instead of down like Santa Claus.”</p><p> </p><p>Light ended up snorting out a laugh despite his best attempt at staying quiet, and L felt his world tilt and right itself.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ngl I loved writing this chapter. :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Opposites</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yagami Soichiro had once told L, “You seem to get along very well with Light. It appears I was worried for nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>L had been perplexed. “What made you think we wouldn’t get along, Yagami san?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh well you see..” The police chief had looked awkward, rubbing his neck the same way Light sometimes did when he felt awkward too. L found it cute but he didn’t mention it. </p><p> </p><p>“We are very close in age.” He supplied helpfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes but you two are polar opposites.” Soichiro floundered.</p><p> </p><p>“Haha it must be that, you know, opposites attract, isn’t that right Ryuuzaki?” Matsuda sounded giddy.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s get you and your unwanted opinions back to work.” Mogi grabbed Matsuda by his shoulders and steered him back to his desk. Soichiro excused himself too, embarrassed for his coworkers’ antics more so than for himself.</p><p> </p><p>But it got L thinking: undoubtedly, he and Light had a lot of differences between them. It wasn't just the little things, like L preferring sugary desserts, and 4 cubes of sugar in his coffee; over salty food and bitter coffee, no cream, no sugar, like Light.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Personality wise, Light was an extrovert, and an exceptional one at that. He was a "people person" through and through, and the way he handled himself and those around him never failed to impress L. (It also added to his chances of being Kira, since Kira’s profile fit the characteristics of someone who was good at manipulating people). L on the other hand, preferred minimal man-to-man interaction, and above all, preferred to do everything by himself if possible.</p><p> </p><p>Except for when it came to each other. L loved Light's company, and Light also (bashfully) admitted to enjoying spending time with L.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Light was an early bird and L was a night owl. Light woke up early in the wee hours of the twilight, only to find L not having hit the sack at all. Initially, Light would request L join him for a morning jog, but L would refuse him nearly every time, claiming to be too tired after having pulled an all-nighter. On the rare days L did sleep at night, he would hate being woken up early, which was something that Light had learned the hard way.</p><p> </p><p>“Wake up Ryuuzaki.”</p><p> </p><p>“Noooo.” L mumbled groggily, and Light had never anticipated L to ever sound so adorable. Shaking his head to clear that thought, because 'the World’s Greatest Detective' and 'adorable' did not fit in the same sentence, Light loomed over L and grabbed on to L’s t-shirt with the full intent to heave him off the bed.</p><p> </p><p>But L had woken to his touch, and his fight-or-flight reflexes kicking in, he got up in an instance and flipped Light onto the bed. Their positions reversed, Light had ended up being pinned under L, on the floor. Time had frozen as they remained entangled, the air between them charged. Light felt a little disoriented by the sudden movement, his grip on L's tee unintentionally tightening to steady himself. Light breathed shakily, his chest moving in sync with L who was also out of breath. He noticed the smoldering look on L's face, and something needy and unfamiliar churned in his stomach. Light's shirt had ridden up due to being jostled around, and L's palm lay flush on Light's skin, his touch feather-light, yet Light's skin burned at the contact. They looked into each other’s eyes, the unspoken rule clear in their minds- the first to look away would be the loser in whatever <em> game </em> this was. </p><p> </p><p>"Ahem." Watari coughed on the speaker, and that had broken the spell. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They got into the habit of practicing compromise- Light would play tennis with L to alleviate his boredom and in return, L would teach Light capoeira, kickboxing, or whichever martial arts he whimmed that particular day.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Another big difference between them, was that L never cared what people thought of him, choosing to dress in jeans and plain monochrome tees 24x7, comfort over all else. Light chose elegance, tried his best to look his 100% even when he wasn’t feeling it. After the incarceration period, Light had thrown something of a fit when his personal hygiene and dailywear was compromised. He had lost weight during his confinement, and had vehemently refused to get dressed in his old clothes as they would be baggy and would not fit him right. L had called him a prick and they had ended up throwing hands before Watari had stepped in and offered to go shopping for him. </p><p> </p><p>You’d think that because Light’s movement was restricted to strictly within the headquarters, he’d be less conscious of what he was wearing and pay less attention to grooming himself. Maybe due to that, or maybe because he genuinely cared about how his coworkers and Misa perceived him, he spent way too much time in the washroom (according to L’s standards).</p><p> </p><p>Particularly before every date with Misa, Light would spend over half an hour choosing his attire, conditioning and combing his hair, and whatnot. It tired L out just watching him fuss about. </p><p> </p><p>“Light kun, I doubt you can look any prettier than you already do.” L deadpanned.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you Ryuuzaki.” Light said without looking back, fixing his hair. </p><p> </p><p>“Surely you’re familiar with the concept of sarcasm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm,” Light hummed, and bared his neck, dabbing some cologne on and masking his natural, freshly showered smell, which L thought was such a waste. L swallowed and looked away.</p><p>
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</p><p>Maybe there is such a thing as opposites attract, after all.</p><p>
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</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This fic should be rated T for Thirsty at this point.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Bedtime activities</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Did L grab Light kun’s sleeve or were my eyes deceiving me?” envy dripped from Misa’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing, he does it all the time.” Matsuda’s dictionary lacked the words ‘tact’ and ‘discretion.’</p><p> </p><p>“EEH?? Light kun doesn’t let me cling to him! And I’m his girlfriend!!” Misa screeched.</p><p> </p><p>“Sshh Misa Misa. We’re still in public.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my trailer is safe, Matsui. L had his butler check it over for bugs.” Misa said flippantly. “But more importantly, Matsui san, you have to take your job as my manager seriously!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes Misa Misa! ...Hey I do take this job seriously. Your safety is in my hands. ”</p><p> </p><p>“No not that.” Misa flapped her hands, and spelled it out clearly for Matsu-dummy. “You have to be my eyes, my ears.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I am!”</p><p> </p><p>“What I’m saying is, Matsu, you need to tell me if I should be worried about my precious Light kun’s chastity!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ch-Ch-Chastity?! Misa Misa, you have it all wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>Misa huffed. “What about Soft Soft SleevegrabTM?”</p><p> </p><p>“They’re chummy.”</p><p> </p><p>“One time during my date with Light (and L as the third wheel), I saw L feed Light strawberries from his cake!”</p><p> </p><p>“L is just sweet like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Has he fed you any strawberries from his cake, using his fork?”</p><p> </p><p>“No..”</p><p> </p><p>“See!??”</p><p> </p><p>“But that’s because they’re best friends.” Matsuda’s reasoning was impeccable.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re chained together, 24x7! Kinky handcuffs and everything!”</p><p> </p><p>"That's just for the case. Just like I'm here for you." Matsuda beamed at her.</p><p> </p><p> Misa made belching sounds. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay so how do they sleep? Or pee? Or poop?"</p><p> </p><p>"Isn't it obvious? Together! They’re the <strong>best</strong> of friends." Matsuda's smile was all teeth.</p><p> </p><p>Misa was going to get wrinkles, her career as a model would be over, and she'd have to live in the streets, and watch miserably as L and Light walked off into the sunset, the metallic handcuffs on both their hands glistening and glittering in place of a red string of fate.</p><p> </p><p><b> <em>No!</em> </b> Misa shook her head.</p><p> </p><p>Matsuda didn't know anything. Misa would have to find it out herself!</p><p>
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</p><p>Misa had learned a thing or two from her roles in mystery drama, and her time with Light (and L). She convinced Light (i.e. whined until Light gave in) to allow them to have a mini-date that day later in the afternoon, in the task force lounge room. (‘The best place to observe a specimen is in its natural habitat,’ stated a scientist’s voice from one of the documentaries she’d fallen asleep to last night, in her head.) </p><p> </p><p>She'd specifically bought cream-filled eclairs for the occasion from Tokyo’s best pastry shop. Knowing L the sugar-addict’s obsession with desserts, she hoped it would be enough to distract him, to get her some alone time with Light. She needed to know if there was really something going on, or if it was all in her head.</p><p>
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</p><p>Their date officially began sharp at 6 p.m. conveniently after Soichiro, and Mogi had retired for the day. Matsuda was finishing up some paperwork for the modelling agency Misa was contracted to, and would be leaving soon. So at the seating area, it was just Misa and her boyfriend (and her boyfriend’s alleged boyfrie- err, bestfriend) present. </p><p> </p><p>She spent all of 5 minutes observing Light as he stared at L. </p><p> </p><p>Light’s eyes were glued to the raven-haired detective as he licked the chocolate off the top of the éclair. He continued to stare, transfixed and unblinking, as L held it to his lips, hollowed out his cheeks, and sucked the fluffy white cream out of the pastry, and lapping  up the littlest speck that managed to escape his mouth using his tongue, all of it way too erotic for it to be innocent and completely innocuous.</p><p>She spotted the redness on Light's cheeks, and cleared her throat loudly.</p><p> </p><p>Light peeled his eyes away from L (<em>regretfully </em>, noted Misa), and focused his attention on her. “Yes Misa?”</p><p> </p><p>"Light-kun, how do you sleep?" Misa pointed at the general direction of the handcuff on his arm (and by default, L).</p><p> </p><p>"With a pillow under my head and a book beside my desk. I try to fall asleep by.." Light started.</p><p> </p><p>"Bold of you to assume we do." L cut him off.</p><p> </p><p>Light sighed and rubbed at his eyes. "L kept me up all night again last night."</p><p> </p><p>Misa looked consternated.</p><p> </p><p>"Light-kun could have slept anytime." L insisted.</p><p> </p><p>"I couldn't with you on top of me!" Light exclaimed.</p><p> </p><p>Misa felt smoke coming out of her ears. Light kun <em> had </em> been looking more haggard lately. She'd assumed it was because of the Kira case. Never in a million years would she have guessed it was because of this! </p><p> </p><p>"You said you were magical in bed, L!" Light complained.<em> Was he <strong>whining</strong>? </em></p><p> </p><p>"And Light-kun gasped when I did it, so I was right!" L looked very, very smug.</p><p> </p><p>Misa flailed as she had an internal breakdown. <em> Is no one else hearing this??  </em>She caught Matsuda's eyes. <em> See?? </em></p><p> </p><p>Matsuda shrugged. "Seems like bros to me."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>That night in bed, when the two of them had settled down, i.e. Light, dressed in his pajamas and ready to sleep, and L ready to stay up like an owl, L did his "magic" again.</p><p> </p><p>"Is this the number of your card?" L asked triumphantly.</p><p> </p><p>Light gasped. L had guessed it correctly again!</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Soft Sleevegrab is a reference to Episode 19 (Matsuda). I was rewatching it when I noticed L grab Light's sleeve and my fangirl heart went DOKI! And I ended up writing this chapter- part fluff, part crack, all cute- right up my alley. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!<br/>Thanks for all your kudos and appreciation. I'll be taking a break from this fic for a while. Need to sort out a few things. BUT I WILL BE BACK WITH MORE CUTENESS! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Everyone knew that Light was right handed. Not many people knew that Light got so bored one day he challenged himself to learn how to write with both hands. Therefore, he was by birth right handed, but by self-practice and a little over a fortnight's worth of training, ambidextrous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn't sure what L was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He quietly sat there and observed the detective, hoping if he studied him long enough he would figure it out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes L would pick up calls using his right hand, and talk on the phone holding it in that weird posture of his, thumb and index holding the phone case at a safe distance from his ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Other times, he would eat with his right hand and sign documents with his left. This tended to happen too many times for Light’s liking. It was considered bad manners from where he came from, and he let his opinion be known in those exact words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does it count when you’re snacking on chips while studying in your room?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perplexed, Light asked, “What do you mean, L? I don’t snack when studying.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t lie in order to make a statement, Light kun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There you go again!” Light crossed his hands and walked away, fuming,  unaware of the confusion on L’s face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘L is a liar,’ Light thought to himself, as he attempted to cool his head and rationally think everything through. Light knew himself well enough to know that he did not </span>
  <em>
    <span>snack</span>
  </em>
  <span> while studying. L didn’t have to lie to him, he didn’t have to pester him with false accusations to make him fess up. And even if he did, he’d remember it. Surely, he, Light Yagami, boy genius, wasn’t suffering from gaps in his memory? Light knew L had installed cameras in his room, in fact, the whole house. They’d even talked about him being under surveillance for a period of weeks, and Light had joked and called L words like ‘pervert’ and ‘voyeur.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light huffed, and started counting down from 10, to calm his raging thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid L.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>That liar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stupid L and his stupid hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stupid L and his stupid pretty hands with thin, bony fingers that toyed and fiddled with anything and everything, because L was a big baby with ADHD who could never sit still without playing with something, like his cutlery, or his food, or the strings to Light’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stupid, </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span> L.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>..I know I said I'd be taking a break from this fic but this chapter demanded to be written and I am but a slave to L and Light being adorkable. :3<br/>Quick question: IF I introduce plot in this fic, which may or may not lead to an alternate ending, will that be appreciated or dissed? I need to decide on this before I write some of the future chapters. Helpmeouthere ;-;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*throws this chapter at you*<br/>*whines about writer's block*<br/>*runs away*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>L loved looking at people’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>The eyes, the window to the soul. No matter how good of an actor, a person’s eyes could never lie. They would always give them away. L found them fascinating.</p><p><br/>
L found Light’s eyes particularly fascinating.</p><p> </p><p>Light’s eyes, along with his hair, were naturally brown. You’d think he took after his mother in that aspect, and you’d be wrong. Light’s hair was an unusual shade of brown that didn’t match his mother’s, nor Sayu’s. It wasn’t dyed to be that shade as well- L had made sure to check when he’d checked <em> other things </em> out - not that Light had any idea about it. Getting back to the topic at hand, Light’s unusual coloring was uncommon among native Japanese, which were one of the many things that made him stand out in a crowd. That being said, Light’s eyes were the most vibrant things about him. </p><p> </p><p>His lips, beautiful as they were, would weave webs of intricate lies, his words flowed like refined poetry. Light was a brilliant actor. He hid his emotions excellently, and sometimes even L struggled to differentiate his lies from his truths. Like the time when Light came to L, saying “I might be Kira,” asking him to be placed in solitary confinement. It was so uncharacteristic of him, so out of place, that L had been thrown off balance. Just when L had begun to think he’d had Light all figured out, Light threw a curveball like this at him. What was most baffling, was that Light’s eyes had looked determined, and not cloudy with conflict- contradicting what he’d said about feeling confused that he may be Kira. It had made L’s decision easier- Light was sure he could deceive L, and L was thus even more sure Light was Kira.</p><p> </p><p>But then, 15 days of solitary confinement later, Light’s eyes had changed.</p><p> </p><p>L had a few theories about it.</p><p> </p><p>One of them being that- the continuous stress of 15 days of imprisonment, bound hands and feet and at the mercy of a man who was hell-bent on sending him to the death row for being a mass murderer, the suspicions on him seemingly cementing the more time he spent behind bars, had seemed to break Light. </p><p> </p><p>More than confusion at Light’s innocence, L felt guilty.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t really lying when he’d said this earlier- Light was his friend, and it had pained him to see Light in such a state. Regardless, he’d gone through with it wholeheartedly, as was his duty.</p><p> </p><p>And afterwards, when the whole dramatic fiasco to prove their innocence, involving Yagami Soichiro and Misa and the car and being held at gunpoint, had come to a conclusion, when Light had finally returned to the headquarters, L had found himself unable to look Light in the eye, his guilt making him dodge direct confrontation with the man.</p><p> </p><p>But Light seemed to have other plans.</p><p> </p><p>“L.” Light blocked L’s path.</p><p> </p><p>L couldn’t avoid him any longer. He prepared himself- Light must be angry, he must want to chew him out for not believing in him, for making him and his father and his girlfriend go through such a traumatic experience. L braced himself, knowing that, at the very least, he deserved a slap, for coercing his sickly father, who’d already weathered a heart attack, to go through such an emotionally strenuous and highly stressful act. And he wouldn’t be in the wrong for it- there definitely were other, much less dramatic, morally ambiguous, or nerve-wracking alternatives- such as a lie detector test. Given, the tests could be faked, but it would’ve been enough to put Light on trial at the very least, and wouldn’t have intruded on his dignity, or put his father’s life at jeopardy. And that was just the tip of the iceberg of what Light could have accused L of.</p><p> </p><p>And yet, out of all the things he could have said, Light said this: “Let’s catch Kira, together.”</p><p> </p><p>L’s neck suffered whiplash with how fast he looked up to look at Light.</p><p> </p><p>Light’s face was a picture of confident determination- his innocent smile and honey eyes shining clearly with resolve, all his emotions on display- Light was telling the truth, L could see it in his eyes clear as day, dispelling any and all doubt in L’s mind. They would do it together- they’d catch Kira.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm halfway done with the next chapter and it should be up in a day, given I can stop taking breaks to pull at my hair and whine about how it breaks my heart to write it, and actually sit down to see it through.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Angst</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>L considered himself impervious to pain.</p><p> </p><p>He wouldn’t put himself past the occasional bout of depression that brought his productivity down to a meager 11%, especially when he got stuck on a case with no viable solution in sight. L liked challenges sure, but he didn’t like facing hurdles that were beyond his control.</p><p> </p><p>For instance, he didn’t like not knowing what had made Light upset right now.</p><p>Light sat on his usual seat beside him, unusually quiet. When asked for his opinion, Light didn’t give more than a hum of agreement, according to Matsuda (dismissal, according to L) gaze far away and lost in thought. L took advantage of Light’s attention being elsewhere to openly observe (and appreciate) Light’s profile- face cradled in his hand, brows furrowed ever so slightly, bottom lip jutting out in contemplation, thumb under his lip- and L forcefully pushed away the urge to wipe that little frown on his pretty face away with his own hands and smother him with affection.</p><p>
  <em> Focus, L. Focus. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, Light had been like this ever since the Yotsuba Kira killings had started spiking, and L didn’t like being unable to read him. Granted, the case was at a standstill. But things were progressing, slowly, and he was optimistic that Misa’s involvement with the Yotsuba Kira was going to bear fruit eventually. He was sure Light understood this- since despite his initial apprehension, he’d agreed to see L’s plan through. </p><p>And yet there was an invisible cloud of despair hanging over Light’s head that made him uncharacteristically docile and pliant, and L was at a loss.</p><p>(It wouldn’t be as simple as a “What’s wrong, Light kun?” Light wasn’t the type of person that came clean and talked about his feelings. Mechanical, robotic, defensive and guarded. Such trust issues were not born in a day, and L would like to take his time and unravel him, little by little.)</p><p> </p><p>Was it the handcuffs?</p><p>L looked at Light’s hand, and then at his own.</p><p> </p><p>L chose to perpetually dress in baggy shirts with long sleeves that reached past his wrist, hence the handcuff never really bothered him all that much, catching and brushing against the soft material of his shirt and hardly, if ever, making contact with his skin. The little discomfort was nothing to him, he who had grown up in poverty and had had to fend for himself all alone in the streets of London where it was harsher than having to survive in the wilderness, until he’d been adopted into an orphanage. And then it was a different kind of battle there, children were hungry and insecure and rabid for attention. L had been lucky he was born with an unusually high intellect, catching the eye of Wammy institute, and got adopted into their “special children” program in no time. He quickly adapted to their environment, proving his worth for the “special children program”, which was just a glorified name for building child spies. Thanks to the challenging curriculum and his own lack of general empathy, he had ended up with a high tolerance to pain, to torture, to poison and even to emotions.</p><p>But Light hadn’t been lucky on that front. He’d been brought up coddled and pampered- seemingly never experiencing want or need or distress. In the eyes of the society, he was the oldest son in an affluent household, beautiful and brilliant and perfect. The expectations on his shoulders weighed heavy, and L couldn’t even begin to fathom how Light didn’t crumble under the pressure. Light’s high expectations of himself meant he never let him doubt himself, never feel weak or disheartened or demotivated. And even if he did, he took extra precautions to never let them show on his face, or his actions, always needing to appear picture perfect, the epitome of excellence. </p><p>And L didn’t have the faintest clue how to approach someone like that.</p><p> </p><p>L stole another glance at the man.</p><p>Light’s hand, unlike other parts of his body, with its skin slightly tanned but otherwise unblemished, was now disfigured by red, blotchy patches due to being constantly chafed and abused by the metal handcuff. L regretted not investing in one of those soft padded ones. He shouldn’t have let his secondhand embarrassment of such unusual items being exclusively available in adult shops deter him from making that purchase. In his defense, he hadn’t accounted for getting so intimately attached to the younger man, he hadn’t expected to <b> <em>care</em> </b>, not for someone other than himself. </p><p>(Not like L even <em> knew  </em>what that particular feeling felt like.)</p><p> </p><p>When he first noticed the raw, painful looking skin on Light’s arm that had scabbed over in places, and would eventually end up scarring, he was caught off guard when he experienced an unfamiliar category of heartburn. </p><p>Unable to identify a definite cause by himself, L had discreetly texted Watari to bring him heartburn medicines. A few texts back and forth ensued, and Watari’s conclusion was considered unhelpful and discarded.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>W: “You’re experiencing secondary emotional distress.”</p>
  <p>L: “That’s impossible.”</p>
</blockquote><p>L put his phone aside in favor of picking up his fruit tart, hoping that <em> healthy eating </em>would rid him of these symptoms. His phone vibrated minutes later, causing him to pick it up. He thumbed his way to the most recent text, paused and stared at the screen in disbelief, and finally shoved it back into his pocket with a sigh.</p><p>L couldn’t believe Watari had sent him Wikipedia links of lovebirds. He bit into his fruit tart with renewed vigor, willing himself to stop thinking about the snippet of highlighted text.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p><br/>“Lovebirds are one of the species of animals that pine over each other and go into depression when their partner is hurt, upset or separated from them.”</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Not getting any help on the Watari front, and being equally as clueless as to how to help Light out of his gloom, L decided to give him as much space as the chains would allow, and accommodating Light in every way</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Eyeing the shallow lacerations on Light’s arm, L handed him a special moisturizing-come-disinfecting ointment. </p><p>Light took it from his hands distractedly, placing it on the bathroom shelf.</p><p>“Ah Light kun,” L interrupted, “I didn’t give it to you to place it there.”</p><p>Light looked confused, looking at the tube in his hand and then at L, as if he was stepping out of the curtains of his mind to listen to L. ‘Why then?’ The upward tilt of his single eyebrow seemed to ask.</p><p>L gestured to Light’s arm. “Light-kun could try to soothe those wounds.”</p><p>Light’s eyes grew wider as he looked down at his hand in surprise, as if noticing for the first time the bruises blooming on his skin.</p><p>“Don’t they hurt?” L asked carefully.</p><p>Light gave a self deprecating laugh in reply, and L felt that damned heartburn return with a vengeance. </p><p>“Are you questioning Kira who is pretending to be Light, or are you asking this because you’re concerned for your friend Light who could have once been Kira?” </p><p>“I..”</p><p>“Save it, L.” Light said, cryptic, cold, sad, and just the tiniest bit angry (At L? At himself? Or at fate?)</p><p>Light sighed at length, turning away from L. “You don’t have to apologize for the truth.”</p><p> </p><p>As L sat on top of the closed lid of the toilet seat, he realized that he wasn’t impervious to pain after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ah yes, angst, my lifeblood.<br/>P.s. Bring tissues for next chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. S</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Quick note: The rating just went up for this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>L had a faint suspicion that Light was a sadist.</p><p>He didn’t tell him that in those exact words, for fear of getting attacked physically, or worse, getting the silent treatment.</p><p>Silent treatment from any other person would put L at ease- he would have less distractions to worry about, and could get his work done at 47% accuracy without even having to sit in a fetal position. Win-win.</p><p>But from Light, silent treatment meant not only that Light wouldn’t talk to him, he would resolutely refuse to even look at him, going through painstaking steps in order to avoid any and all forms of direct interaction with the man. Hence, from Light, silent treatment was torture. Which was also another reason L thought Light was a sadist. </p><p>(If extrapolated, it could also be said that Kira was a sadist- he gained sadistic pleasure from killing criminals, his self-absorbed God-complex flaring at the power he wielded over people, making them do his bidding, commanding them with fear and retribution, taking lives at will). </p><p>But that wasn’t the sort of thing L was going to focus on now. No. He was going to focus on Light. And how he was trying to suppress the signs of sadism that he currently exhibited by making L suffer. Giving L the silent treatment as he stood less than 3 feet apart, dressed in nothing but a towel, fresh from the shower and dripping water all over L’s carpet.</p><p>L eyed Light from his perch on the right side of the bed. Eyes peeking out from the top of his laptop screen, he appreciated the lean muscles that stretched when Light reached up to grab a fresh set of pyjamas- that Light had forgotten to take with him to the washroom, and that L had stubbornly refused to get down from his comfortable slouch on the bed to hand him. </p><p>“Before I met Light kun personally, I had the impression that Light kun was a pretty, naive, innocent little boy.”</p><p>L saw Light stiffen at the word “boy.” However Light didn’t turn around to face L, still giving him the silent treatment. It would seem he required more encouragement.</p><p>“After all, children your age generally like these sorts of things- reading adult magazines and watching porn, having <em>big</em> <em>tiddy</em> goth girlfriends.” L smirked at the rouge that started at the tip of Light’s pale neck and spread all the way down his back, as he stubbornly refused to retaliate.</p><p>“Not one, but two girlfriends too, Light kun. Such a player.” L whistled as Light bent down to pick up the pajama pants he’d dropped in consternation at L calling him a player. <em> That white towel is a bigger criminal than Kira, </em> L found thinking to himself. </p><p>“Takada san went beyond my expectations of you Light kun.” L put his laptop away, giving all his attention to Light’s slightly shaking frame as it struggled to contain the little bundle of rage. “After all, Takeda san, despite appearing to be a model student like Light kun, is quite the <em> dominatrix</em>.”</p><p>Light completely overshot his leg through the pant leg, and the sound of tearing fabric and muffled laughter filled the room.</p><p>“I should’ve known.” L failed to hide the mirth in his voice. “You’re a sadist too Light kun.”</p><p>Light turned around <b> <em>finally</em></b>, and L’s mouth fell open as he momentarily forgot what he’d wanted to say next- the blush had apparently spread as far as L could see through the gap of his mismatched-ly-buttoned pajama shirt, and L hated the whoever decided pajama shirts should be long enough to reach mid-thighs.</p><p>“Light kun didn’t protest the handcuffs because he’s into this sort of play.” L spoke with difficulty, throat dry.</p><p>Light stalked forward menacingly. “How dare you accuse me of being into BDSM play when you’re the one who forced them on me.”</p><p>“For someone with such deviant preferences, Light kun’s sexual life is pretty vanilla.” L taunted, eyes glued to milky thighs.</p><p>“Excuse me?” Light’s voice was low and dangerous, and that only encouraged L more.</p><p><em> “Don’t be shy, Light kun!” </em> L mocked, copying Misa’s voice. “You know, I was sure Light kun would take up Misa san on that offer. Was it because Light kun’s father was present? You can go now Light kun, I won’t bother you.” L threw up his arms in mock-defeat. “If that’s all it’ll take to increase Light kun’s productivity, I’ll happily comply. Sacrifices are a necessary evil.”</p><p>Light grabbed the collar of L’s shirt. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Of course, if you would like to indulge your <em>specific</em> interests I’d like to provide other means. It will be quite impossible to hire other people to come here.” L finally looked up to face Light, and, noting the other man’s eyes blown wide with righteous indignation he broke out into a smirk. “So you’ll have to make do with your hands, or toys, or pornography.”</p><p>“You!” Light spat, inches away from L’s face.</p><p>“Of course if you like men, that can be arranged for. I am 39% sure that Matsuda san would react positively, given you can keep it a secret from the chief, your father....”</p><p>“Shut up!” Light growled, and smacked his lips to L’s, silencing him.</p><p> </p><p>The kiss, if it could be called that, was more teeth than lips. Their lips battled for purchase, and it was nothing like one of the innocent kisses Light had shared with his handful of<em> “girlfriends”</em>. No it was completely different- hungry, angry and impatient, like it was another challenge to see who could make the other come undone. Light had miscalculated, he hadn’t expected L to be so aggressive. </p><p>Light broke apart slightly to draw air into his depleted lungs, and L took advantage of that momentary lapse to nibble on his lips, making him gasp. The raven’s tongue entered his mouth, and started exploring the insides- massaging his tongue gently, lightly running over his teeth, and Light distractedly noted as L’s hands slowly brushed up his thighs, journeying upwards. Those very sensuous, sinful hands that he’d found himself fantasizing over for forever, landed on his hips and <em> kneaded </em> them at the same time L sucked on Light’s tongue. Light <em> moaned. </em></p><p>L broke apart with a laugh.</p><p>“Just shut up already.” Light breathed out in between labored breaths, and L huffed back, dark amusement evident in his voice. “Make me.”</p><p>Light smirked and dived back into the kiss, <em>into L.</em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hehehehehe remember when I said bring tissues? Hope they came in handy to staunch that nosebleed (~^//^)~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Brat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>L has come to learn quite a lot of things about Light in the span of their time together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things like how Light is a brat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The irony of calling Light a brat, given how L himself is one, isn't lost to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>L, true to his nature, doesn't make as much of an effort to hide his childishness and bratty attitude behind a mask of maturity, as Light, who, in front of an audience, pretends to be the dutiful, obedient, perfect son. However, despite everything, Light makes sures that he always, always gets his way. Light’s pride and stubbornness can rival L's, and that only thrills L more- seemingly a challenge- to test who can be more stubborn, more obstinate, and who </span>
  <b>wins</b>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And L admits this (to himself)- that they are both brats that love to win, and hate to lose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But L is a rational thinker, who assesses his challenges even before he faces them, considers the opinions of his peers and analyzes his situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light is just a stubborn brat with a short fuse that never listens to anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One that, despite being sickly and feverish, refuses to listen to him and stay in bed, and is currently struggling to get up from his bed, teetering deliriously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>L pushes Light down gently by his shoulders, forcing him to sit in a half-lying position on the bed, and tucks him in. "Light kun, stop being a brat and listen to what the elders are saying."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HAH?” Light snarks, and L shoves a piece of apple-bunny into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light, righteously enraged, bites him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>L retracts his hand back, hissing in discomfort. He looks at the finger that Light bit- the skin looks reddened, and the faint teeth-marks glistens with the brunet’s saliva but is otherwise unharmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>L locks eyes with Light, who appears way too smug while reluctantly chewing on the offensive piece of apple. Making sure Light is looking at him, L brings the finger that was just moments ago inside Light’s mouth, in front of his lips and </span>
  <em>
    <span>licks </span>
  </em>
  <span>it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light’s mouth falls open, and L takes the opportunity to shove another piece of apple into the sick man’s mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light finishes chewing vigorously, and swallows. “You’re the real brat here!” He huffs in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not the one that has a fever and is refusing medical care, is refusing to eat, and is refusing to take a break, stay in bed, and get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sick…” Light lies, looking elsewhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hai hai.” L agrees, and thwacks the patch thermometer on Light before he can protest it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light does protest it, and he protests vehemently. “What’re you doing L?? This is for children. Unhand me. I’m fine, just perfectly peachy. This is nothing. Just a common cold. There’s so much data to still be analyzed. Just because I’m resting doesn’t mean Kira will either. Come on. We don’t have time…” He gets up bravely without L’s help, takes exactly 3 steps forward, before he stumbles, falters mid-step and starts to fall, face first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Disoriented and sluggish, he doesn’t even push his arms forward to protect himself from the fall. Arms splayed at an odd angle, Light closes his eyes, bracing himself for the hurt that will surely follow once he hits the hard ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it never comes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light opens his eyes and stares into the abyss- a sea of endless black, within which glimmers something guarded, yet protective, tranquil, yet turbulent. “Oh.” Light says softly at the realization. He’s staring into L’s eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>L blinks, and the spell is broken. Light scrambles to get back on his feet, but L holds him in a vice grip that feels like an embrace the longer he remains encaged within the man’s arms, and Light finds himself back in bed, tucked to his chin under the soft comforter. Warm and comfortable, and drained from his long fight against his fever and resistance against L’s persistence to rest, Light feels himself start to doze off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he falls asleep, Light dreams of the gentlest lips on his forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mother?” The sick boy asks in a dry whisper, his throat parched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A straw finds its way to his lips, and eyes still closed, Light takes a sip of the lukewarm water, that soothes the itching inside his throat and tastes of honey and warmth and reminds him of his mother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the hands that sponge the heat away and soothe his fever-hot skin, and card through his sweat-soaked hair, petting him gently to sleep, are too large, too bony, too masculine to be his mother’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks, L.” Light smiles, and starts to dream.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(I decided against posting the angsty chapter that I have sitting in my laptop.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Possess</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Angst ahoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>L wasn’t a possessive person by nature.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The main reason for this could be attributed to the fact that, growing up in an orphanage, L wasn’t accustomed to having many material possessions to begin with. Most of his things were provided for by the orphanage- books, toys, clothes. Because fundings were short, these things were recycled more often than not once he’d outgrown their need- hence he never got the time to grow attached to anything because he knew- his things weren’t even really </span>
  <em>
    <span>his.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Even after getting adopted into the Wammy Institute, where finances were much more lenient and he could make indulgent requests upon satisfactory performance, he chose nothing but food to satiate his temporary wants, instead of books, or toys, or fancy items unlike the rest of his peers. And as such childhood habits tend to stick, even when he’d grown into an adult and started earning huge sums of reward money, he hadn’t cared, only keeping bare necessities for himself and choosing that the rest go to Wammy Institute finances. Because money wasn’t something he cared much for, and he knew that if he kept too much around, he’d end up wasting them in lavishness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What he did care for were the few people in his life that were precious to him, the connections he’d made. People like Watari, A, B, his prodigies who would once take up his mantle of L.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light had grown on L in ways he hadn’t expected. And L was the kind of person who considered everything, every possibility, every avenue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he’d quite simply been blindsided when he realized that the little seed of agreeable companionship that he’d spotted to start growing between himself and Light since their first meeting, had grown into a full-fledged tree without his knowledge, it’s roots spreading far and into the very depths of his very soul, parts of which he hadn’t even known to have existed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because L hadn’t known he had the emotional capacity of experiencing </span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, ever since he’d met Light, his life had been nothing short of a roller-coaster of emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Attraction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Empathy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jealousy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Love.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Possessiveness.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, L more than very well knew that Light was his own person. With a life beyond L, beyond the Kira case. And once it was over, they’d end up parting ways, and they’d both go their own separate ways. And if Light did end up being a detective like he intended to, their paths might end up crossing a few times in the future, and they might even end up working together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, L wasn’t a hopeless romantic. He knew things would never be the same ever again. Such thoughts were unpleasant at best, heart wrenching at worst, and L really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>preferred not thinking about them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when he saw Light like this- lying beside </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, on </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>bed, his chest rising and falling, closed eyelids fluttering as he went through whatever dream his imaginative brain conjured up during his REM cycle- he couldn’t help these intrusive thoughts from seizing control of his overactive mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>L stopped his hand inches from touching Light’s hair. Light wasn’t a very deep sleeper; the slightest unusual movement would end up waking him. And even though he looked ravishing when freshly awakened, his otherwise picture-perfect appearance marred by his dishevelled clothing and adorable bedhead, he wouldn’t be particularly responsive nor amicable sleep-deprived, and could even resort to hissing and scratching at L.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Like a ruffled cat. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>L found himself grinning at the image his brain decided to conjure at the connotation- fluffy caramel ears on top of soft auburn hair, framing Light’s beautiful face, cheeks tinged red with indignation, refusing to look at him in anger, and yet, unable to keep away, unable to keep himself from reacting to L’s selfish, self-indulgent ministrations that involved Light panting and gasping </span>
  <em>
    <span>his name</span>
  </em>
  <span>. L swallowed, and willed his thoughts along a different track.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, L was well aware that Light was an independent person who valued his own freedom over everything else. That Light had chosen to temporarily give up his personal independence in favor of his integrity, and had chosen to give up his privacy and his promising future, to be imprisoned and to chase after Kira and clear his own name, was one of the many things about Light that L respected. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>L also respected the part of himself that bristled at the thought of him having to </span>
  <em>
    <span>share </span>
  </em>
  <span>Light with anyone else. Like the part of him that panicked internally when Misa confessed her love for Light, fearing he would lose Light before he’d even had a chance to pursue him in earnest. And when Light admitted to him that he wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>attracted to her, that their relationship, as it stood, was one of convenience rather than affection, L respected the part of himself that had been floored by relief, realizing that yes, he still had hope. Giddy, L had got ahead of himself and had even offered Light a piece of his own cake, but Light had refused saying he didn’t like cake. (L remembers thinking ‘It’s alright, Light. Reject my cake, as long as you don’t reject </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the signs pointed to the singular fact that L would be severely irate if anyone stood between Light and himself. However, despite being the biggest contender for Light’s affection, Misa’s persistence didn’t annoy L. He wasn’t loath to admit that yes, Light had that effect on people. That those who had the chance to be in his presence, wanted to please him, or at least be in his good graces. L was almost sympathetic towards Misa. Because he himself was also one of Light’s biggest </span>
  <em>
    <span>fans</span>
  </em>
  <span>. And ultimately, it was upto Light to decide who he would choose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>L would grumble and get depressed and enter a self-disastrous spiral, and then, he would accept whoever, whatever, ensured Light’s happiness. (And L, for some unspeakable, intuitive, almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>divine </span>
  </em>
  <span>reason, believed in his heart of hearts that it would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>him.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That at the end of the day, after all their frustrated fights and petty squabbles, there was a special connection there that neither could deny). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thus L was confident in his stance that nothing could bother him, that he wouldn’t be jealous of Light’s friends, or lovers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Foolishly, L had invited Aiber for his help with the Kira case, completely forgetful of the man’s eye for attractive, gullible youngsters and his playboy ways. Aiber had merely approached Light with a handshake that lingered too long, and had eyed Light appreciatively. Just like that, the promiscuous man’s lascivious glare at the brunet had ignited a spark of fury and explosion of possessiveness to erupt under L’s skin. Light was </span>
  <b>
    <em>his</em>
  </b>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>L had stood close behind Light. His stance menacing, back uncharacteristically straightened, arm cradling Light’s waist possessively, the glare that said do not touch, and Aiber had backed off, instincts warning him of the threat that the raven had exuded at that moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just thinking of it now sent L into a flight of overprotective rage, jealousy seething under his skin, and unable to resist, L gave in and brushed the top of his knuckles ever so gently against the side of Light’s cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still asleep, Light’s hand moved up to grab whatever offending article had disturbed his slumber. With laziness that was uncommon of the young man, Light opened his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering to chase away the tendrils of sleep that still nested in their honey wisps. L held his breath, not moving, not saying anything, and at long last Light seemed to recognize him. “L,” the brunet sighed, and flashed him the briefest of smiles, before sleep claimed him again. He closed his eyes and dozed back into the land of dreams, his hand still clutching L’s in a loving embrace, seeping away all the rage and envy from L’s body and leaving want and melancholy in its wake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For Light would never know what he meant to L. Would never know that if L had the chance, he would keep him locked away from the world, only for him to possess, for him to savor. He would provide for him anything he would ever desire, even things he didn’t know he needed. L would be anything Light would want him to be- his rival, his partner, his friend, his lover. He would give him it all, and more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If it meant L could have Light for himself, he would give him the world.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not sure when I'll be able to update next (if ever).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Admire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“What will Light kun do once the Kira case is over?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve already decided!” Light replied without a beat, sure and confident. “I’ll go back to college, finish my degree in criminology and psychology, and after I graduate, I’ll join the police force.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Light kun sure has it all planned out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course. I’ve always dreamt about working in the police, fight crime side by side with my father.” Light, lost in thoughtful musings, subconsciously smiled one of his rare, genuine smiles, one that made his lips quirk up the tiniest bit, and crinkled the skin around his eyes, making him look younger than he is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>L, lost in his smile, missed what he said next, and Light had to repeat himself to get his attention again, “What about you, Ryuuzaki? What will you do after all this is over?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>L paused stirring his tea, and watched the lone tea leaf float on the surface, thinking critically. “I ...haven’t really given it much thought.” He admitted quietly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?” Light quirked an eyebrow in disbelief. “I thought you’d go back to working on your regular cases.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm… Only if they let me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be ridiculous, Ryuuzaki. Of course they will </span>
  <em>
    <span>let </span>
  </em>
  <span>you. You’re brilliant!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>L could feel warmth fill his otherwise cold limbs, the tips of his nose no doubt turning pink, and lifted the teacup to his lips to hide the proof that Light’s words were affecting him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve followed your cases as far back as I could, L. I may not show it… but I’ve always admired your work, L.” Light enthused, fanboy-esque excitement colored his voice, “The way you see the case from such unique perspectives, spot evidence that everyone has missed, and solve them, all by yourself, is nothing short of brilliant.” Light’s brilliant energy had L looking away in embarrassment. “You carry out your own brand of justice- L, a symbol of hope. The world needs L.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s nothing that grand.” L replied, a measly attempt in trying to stop Light’s adorable fanboying- L was already weak to Light’s indignance and his aloof charms. But now, such genuine, obvious idolization and admiration, such sweet, sweet words spoken without any ulterior motive-they were bad for his heart. “You’re simply jaded.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Light would not be deterred- he was on a roll now. “You must enjoy them a lot, huh Ryuuzaki, all these interesting, unsolvable cases. The challenges.” Light spoke more to himself than to L, his eyes glittering with unabashed respect.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>L sighed. “Yes, Light kun.” He said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Nothing comes close to you, Light kun. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He’d actually meant to say.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Light missed the longing look L directed his way.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am not dead! <i>(though I did get pretty close a while back heheheheh) </i><br/>Nor have I given up on this fic! <i>(completely) </i><br/>Inspiration has been lacking, and my murdery bois deserve nothing less than the best. <br/>Enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Pretense</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>
  <i>The way to a man's heart is through his stomach</i>
</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"..mmm it'sh soo good!" Light moaned through his first mouthful of curry, his eyes wide with surprise. "Just like mom's curry!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With childlike amusement, Light dived in, shovelling more rice and curry into his mouth than he could possibly chew . L stared, struggling to hide his mirth at the sight of Light looking like a hamster with his puffed out cheeks. This wasn’t part of the plan- Light, despite being a very emotional individual, preferred to hide his emotions. So for him to get so visibly excited and gobble them L’s cooking so hungrily, forgetting his usual decorum and manners- L couldn’t get enough of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In seconds, Light was done with his serving, and thrust his hand carrying the bowl towards L eagerly. Because it was L, and because he was so attuned to Light, L could translate Light’s mouth-filled-with-food-indiscernible-gibberish to mean “Give me another serving please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>L took the bowl from the boy’s hand and dazedly piled on some more of the food, surprised that not only had Light finished his usual portion of very carefully measured food proportions, he was even asking for second servings! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light’s obsessive perfectionism extended to even the food he put in his body. He was very strict about his diet, not eating excess fats or sugars in favour of maintaining his perfect physique. His concern with the body extended to L too, and he regularly admonished L for snacking all through the day, something even Watari had given up doing. So to see him let loose and enjoy the food without worrying about calories, and that too food that L himself had cooked for him, brought a stray grin to linger on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light swallowed. "Stop grinning like that, L.” He said indignantly when he took a break to sip some water. “Have you never seen a person eat?!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That I have,” L replied, unable to will away the amused smile on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Creep.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>L shrugged, as if saying ‘suit yourself,’ But said, “To see Light kun enjoy a simple home cooked meal so much, I can't help but be thankful to Sachiko san."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What does Mother have to do with this?" Light stiffened, and put his chopsticks down, his voice falling with each statement of accusation and doubt: "Did she cook this? Did someone bring it over from home or deliver it? Did you </span>
  <b>endanger</b>
  <span> my </span>
  <b>Mother</b>
  <span>, L?" Light looked close to snapping, his voice a low growl, his knuckles holding his chopsticks growing pale.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>L covered the hand that had grown bloodless and ashen by now, in fear and paranoia. “Ssh, calm down, Light kun.” L’s fingers enclosed the younger man's fist- like a comforting hug, his index lightly massaged soothing patterns on the back of his hand. “Trust me- I did no such thing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light huffed out the breath he was holding in, slowly, letting the rising panic out through his lungs in tandem with the patterns L was drawing on his hand. "Sorry for freaking out." He sighed at last. "I just haven't….seen her in a while. And this curry is so much like hers." He cracked a tiny smile at L, which was reciprocated on the raven's face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How did you do this, L? You couldn't even blackmail her to give out her secret recipe."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I didn't, although it was tempting.” Light shot him a nasty glare, and L raised his hands in a placating manner. “She was all too happy to mail her impeccable recipe for the contest."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"....you set up a fake recipe contest to get my mother's curry recipe?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It wasn't fake, Light kun. You wound me!” L clutched at his heart in an overdramatic display of hurt, which contrasted heavily with his monotonous delivery. “She was just the </span>
  <b>only </b>
  <span>participant. And let me tell you, she was over the moon to receive a brand new oven as first prize.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only followed her recipe to a T." L smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light gaped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>L swiped a thumb across Light's bottom lip- lingering there for longer than what was strictly necessary (reveling in the way a soft surprised breath escaped Light's mouth and caressed his skin.) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A rice grain."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Light gulped and looked away, pretending like the flush on his eartips was due to the heat of the curry spices and not because of L.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you guys so much for the kudos and comments! I very much appreciate all the love &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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